Mad World......

So they believe they have found the body of 4 year old Juliani Cardenas in the canal. How sad is that! What kind of douche would plunge a car with a 4 year old in it into a canal? This is such a crazy world. I keep thinking to myself.....one day I am going to bring children into this madness but I want them protected from it all but I'm sure Juliani's Mom had the same thoughts (well...I hope she did)and look how that ended. You just don't know what's going to happen and it's scary. I don't want to be overbearing and overprotective but I also want to keep them safe.....are both possible? My heart breaks for that Mother and I can only begin to imagine how she feels.....she must be feeling shattered and then some. I hope all the Mother's out there kiss their little ones after watching the whole saga on the news and seeing how it ended.

Her Papa's Girl

So on Labor Day my Brother calls because he's a little freaked out! He says that his youngest daughter Izabellah (3) walked out of her room and told her Aunt Kelsey that her Grandpa said that she better stay in school. Kelsey asked her what Grandpa and Bellah said, "My Daddys' Daddy!" (Which if you knew my Dad, that's what he said to EVERYONE!) Kelsey called my brother out from his room and told him...so he called Bellah out and asked her so you talked to Grandpa and she said YES and he got a haircut! My brother asked her a haircut?! She said yes, the long curly part in the back is gone. *Okay so here goes......My Mom had my Dads long tail that he used to braid cut off before he was cremated so she could keep it* but Bellah has no idea....no one told her and she wasn't there for any of the funeral part. She's 3...all she knows is Grandpas gone! So at this point my brother has got chills and he says is this the first time you spoke to Grandpa and she says...No Daddy he comes and talks to me in my room all the time. So my brother says how does he get there....she replies, Oh he comes with Jesus!

So I am a firm believer in the Supernatural and it's no surprise that Bellah would be the one to see my Dad. She was a definite Papa's Girl...That's who she loved to be with! If her sister was mean....she would march past My Mom (Her Nana), me (the Aunt), and her parents to walk all the way upstairs to go tell her Papa (My Dad)! The picture up top explains it all!

Love makes everything worth it!

The other day was a bad day which is not uncommon lately but on this day every time Jaeger called I was crying. When he got off work that night he went to the store and made me a basket. It had lots of stuff in it. It had a bear, two pink blankets, soft plushee socks, 3 bottles of wine, crackers, cheese, a nighttime eye mask, and trolli peach O candies! He said he just wanted a happy bear!

It cracks me up and makes me feel so blessed every time he does something sweet for me because as a Togo's Manager he was a TOTAL buttface! He is such a wonderful husband and I know that I would be much worse in this situation without him. I'm not saying this because of the basket, I'm not big on gifts, but the smile he gets when he surprises me with something is well worth it!

No matter how early he has to get up in the morning he has never complained about being up too late because of my emotional times. He just makes sure that I am comforted and sleep before he closes his eyes. I couldn't have dreamed of a better husband. I know every one says that they have the best husband in the world but I think that there are multiple "best" husbands it just depends on what the women with him needs. For me, Jaeger is the best husband.

I found this quote that I really enjoyed....
"A golden heart stopped beating, working hands went to rest. He broke many hearts to prove to us, he only takes the best."

I'm stuck standing still but the world keeps going

It's been over a week now since my Dad passed away. He passed away on March 20 @ 3:03a.m. of a heart attack.

On Saturday March 20th at about 2:35a.m. I woke up because my husband asked me what were the trucks outside so I went to the window and saw a firetruck and an ambulance and then my neighbor running towards my house screaming my name and yelling they're at your parents. I hurried and got dressed and told Jon to get up now! I ran down to my parents thinking it was just my Mom having an asthma attack because she's had so many where we had to call paramedics. When I arrive the door is open and I walk in and to my surprise I hear my Mom talking upstairs and I yell up to her. She comes downstairs and melts into my arms and says your Dad had a chest pain and I can't get him to breathe. At that moment I knew something was horribly wrong. You can only go 2-3mins with no oxygen to your brain before your brain is damaged. I asked her well did they get him to breathe and she says she's pretty sure because she heard someone say. "there you go." We then wait outside for about 20mins. when a paramedic comes to us and tells us that they tried for 30mins and are going to go ahead and pronounce him. Next thing I knew was my Mom was in my husbands arms and he was lying her down in the doorway because she had fainted.......

They all packed up because now the coroner has to come get him but the chaplain is called out to sit with the family until they arrive. My father is still upstairs and my Mother wants to go see him so Jon and I volunteer to go with her. We walk up and turn to go in their room and there lies my father under a sheet with his hand lying out. My Mom falls apart and Jon escorts her downstairs. I kneel next to him and grab his hand waiting for him to squeeze it...YELLING for him to squeeze back....but nothing. Jon comes and gets me off the floor and I beg to pull the sheet back to see his face one last time and Jon says, "no you don't want to remember him that way." At that point I'm numb....

Jon and I sleep at my Moms because she didn't want to be alone so I slept on my fathers side of the bed where he first left this world and Jon slept at the foot of the bed where he was before he left the house forever. I kept waiting for him to come and say Stinky get outta my bed but he never came.

Monday rolls around and we have to go to the funeral home and get his cremation affairs in order. We come home the phone never stops ringing, people don't stop staring at me when I walk outside, and family and friends just keep coming to my Moms.

Everyday is a challenge to get through....